Dark Fiery Skies

Saturday, September 07, 2013

The sky was red. I couldn't tell if the clouds filled up the sky or if it were totally cloudless. It just looked like a sea of red. I would've thought it was early in the evening if I haven't bothered to check the time. It was almost three in the morning. The rain patterned steadily on my windows. I could hear cars outside. What could possibly be the reason why they were out driving in the middle of the night? I liked the nights better when the rain was softer  and everyone were asleep at home. Maybe if I waited another hour, that would happen. I'm sorry if the sentences I make are awfully short. My brain's not thinking right. I like it right now. It's cold and I'm sad and it's the perfect weather to cuddle with my soft toys and blog my life away. I wish life would get better, I wish I would get better. I just wish I were one of those people who could smile all the time and just be happy and carefree, but I'm not you know? I feel too much and then I cry too much and I get sad too much. I wish I could just be perfect. I can't wait for November 23 when I come back from Japan. I want to turn my life around. I will be better. Just like the violent, dull red skies will turn into peaceful, bright blue skies. 


I frequently wonder how I look like to other people. When I go to school, I feel like my face is just another monstrous atrocity and I spend every second outside wishing I were under my blankets at home. But my friends tell me I look fine. I don't know whether to believe them, or not, because they could lie to me because they're my friends and they want me to feel better, y'know? I wonder if I look the same in real life as I do in pictures. Most of my pictures are of me with contacts and lots of make up and I think I look slightly better than when I'm barefaced and I have my glasses on, but do I really look totally different? I feel like the heavily made-up version of me is like a total stranger, because I look so different than how I really look like. My sister says I look the same with make up and without, with contacts and without - I take that as an insult actually... Because I look like shit LIKE REALLY SHIT and she's saying that make up and contacts don't improve how I look... Well that's awfully depressing. So I wanna know. Do I look 100% different in my pictures (like my twitcon/insta pictures) than in real life in school? Leave an anonymous comment or askfm or something. Or not. Adios x

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