It's Saturday and it's 2:15am and I wanted to do Chemistry for the past five hours but I couldn't bring myself to. So here I am, blogging. The music video for Amnesia is out and I've watched it a million times. Whenever Ash smiles, I smile. I can't help it. It's pathetic, this crush I have on him. Anyway, it has been one of the most exhausting weeks ever. Recap? Monday was Hari Raya and I stayed home the entire day. Started homework at about 11? So I had to stay up till 4:50am to complete my homework then I packed my bag and slept at 5am. I woke up an hour later, showered and headed to school. To any non-Singaporean readers of my blog, this is literally what Singaporean students have to live with. // Ah, my heart is suddenly broken, but let's get back to my recap. // I managed to stay awake the entire day, and I even had Chemistry tuition till 9.30pm so yeah I slept late-ish still about 2am? Because I was probably up studying for something else. Funfestique on Wednesday was cool. We had the acapella performance by Harvard's Din & Tonics and they're pretty frickin talented so that was fun. We stayed in the library for awhile through the morning and then at 11-ish, Xinying came back with Macs breakfast for us so we had breakfast and I was doing my SRP homework. At a quarter past noon, we went back to my place and then had a jam session and I wanted to join in so badly but I was doing my SRP homework. So yeah it was really really fun. They were singing, and dancing and it was crazy fun. Xinying & Eli taught Sid how to dance to that Korean song so yeah it was pretty cute watching them dance. And I found out that Sid can play the guitar. She still denies it until now, insisting that she can't, but I saw her with my own eyes on Wednesday and so did XY & Eli so whatever, she can play the guitar and I envy that. (It was my guitar that she was playing) For anyone who doesn't know,  I bought a guitar after PSLE, probably as a twelfth birthday present, it was $75 and I've wanted to learn it ever since, but six years later, I still know shit about playing the guitar. I should add this to my bucketlist: Learn the guitar & be able to play 3 songs decently. So I was just very very jealous and I wish I learned to play the guitar back when I was twelve, and I could've been a decent guitar player by now, but nope. Still talentless old me. I'm turning eighteen and I'm good at nothing. I'm not even good at being a fangirl! Oh oops we had phototaking on Tuesday, I brought contacts to put on before the phototaking so yay. Wish we actually took a picture exactly like the one the official photographer took so I could show you guys, but we didn't. I'll upload some pics that I have? Ummm then today and Thursday was unbearable because it was so hard to stay awake. I had my Meet-The-Parents session Thursday afternoon. It was okay but I cried afterwards anyway. The teacher/HOD was nice I guess? I just wish my dad didn't speak so much. Anyway, I'm feeling pretty crap because I have to meet all the teachers next week. I'm skipping Mr Max because he has already kind of spoken to us on how to improve, and I'm skipping C Lim because I'm terrified of him. So... I'm probably speaking to Ms Tan after consultation on monday. Eli kind of just blurted to Mr Glynsen that I wanted to speak to him and he went like, "Talk about you?" And I was like, "Talk about U, as in ungraded, yes" so now I have to see him Monday morning during break. I'm probably speaking to Mr Ng soon-ish. I really hate having to meet the teachers. 

Suicidal thoughts are just lingering in my mind and I can't seem to push these thoughts away. I'm not strong enough.