Give Me Therapy

Saturday, October 12, 2013

The last time I read a book was in June. I missed it so much. Reading makes me so happy, it just transports me to a whole other world where, for once, I am in someone else's life instead of mine. And I like drinking tea when I'm reading. The warmth of tea in my chest, it spreads everywhere. I'm glad I wasn't too lazy and I actually went to the library on Tuesday, and surprisingly, the books I wanted was there. I'm gonna read one after I'm done with this blog post.

I want to be loved, not the parent & child love, not the best friends love, I want the man & woman love. Trust me, the parent & child kind of love is unconditional and that's irreplaceable. And I'm grateful to have friends who love me just as I love them, but the man and woman love, it's a different kind of love. It's someone who is attracted to you in a different way, and they accept all your flaws - maybe even finding them beautiful. I want someone who can love me when I can't love myself because that's what I really need. I want this kind of love, but I'm not desperate for it. I know it'll come eventually, but now I don't think it exists in my life right now. It'll find me. And I'll be surprised, because I won't be looking for it. Because I like the idea of love, but I hate love because it causes so much pain. So let's just see if the love that brings happiness can find me. I don't think this paragraph made sense. Did it?

I found the Twitter account @50sAnd60s a few days and it made me wish I was there. Of course, most of it happened in the US, but it was fascinating. The first handphone was invented in 1973, so back in the 50s and 60s, teenagers spent a lot of time together. The ladies dressed so classy and chill and comfortable (probably). They even had time to go have milkshakes after school! I go straight home after school (most of the time). And the books - I was born in the wrong era! I just don't like how competitive and fast paced our lifestyle is, it's like we don't even get to stop to breathe for a second (metaphorically, obviously) and we're all so desperate for a break. I shouldn't assume, but I think it might've been better in the past, I don't cope well with stress and seeing how happy the people in the 50s are, I would kill to be them. I guess it's really up to me to divide my time between leisure and school y'know. I could have time to watch all my tv shows, I could have time to read all the books I want, I could have time to go out with my friends and watch movies and have dinner all the time. I miss the carnivals, we used to have them together with the pasar malam, when I was younger, but I don't think there are anymore carnivals like that. All the rides, lights and cotton candy, and winning soft toys... I wish we still had that. I think it'd be quite fun to go to a drive-in theatre. They were really popular in the late 50s. There would be a large screen and a projector and there would be a large empty space for vehicles to be parked at and people could watch the movie from the car and there'd be speakers given to every car. It's so cool. I think carving names on trees were pretty sweet too. Now in Singapore, couples write their names in liquid paper on playgrounds and all that - do they still do that? And I've always been crazy about diners, the long counter, the separated tables with leather seats, the hamburgers and fries or hot dogs in a basket. An empty area for dancing and the jukeboxes on one side and we would put in our little coins and select a song to dance to... I just love the idea of it all.. Back then, they didn't have to be super skinny to be considered pretty too. Oh how I wish I could've experienced all of that.

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