Tough Times

Friday, August 02, 2013

I just showered (yes, at a quarter past midnight) so while I'm waiting for my hair to dry, I decided to blog because I haven't in a few days! I know my previous post was depressing but that's honestly how I've been feeling recently. School has been getting tougher everyday and every time I feel like I achieve something (finishing my bio tutorial and econs assignment), I have other things that push me back to square one (untouched math and chem tutorial) I feel like this little progress is nothing y'know? It was quite an achievement for me to NOT have my afternoon nap today, and for me to be constantly doing homework since the moment I got home. But after I finished bio and econs and gave up on math and chem, my dad just walked in and told me to "try harder". I've tried my hardest but obviously I'm never going to be good enough. 

I also just want to give a huge thank you to everyone in this goddamn house who just went upstairs without bothering to close the windows, draw the curtains, turn off the switches and arranging the pillows and leaving me - one of the most stressed out mofo in the house - to do all that for you. I constantly feel like I'm at the verge of breaking down and even in tutorials I felt like I could just burst into tears in the middle of the lesson. I really can't cope with this, but I'm trying, I swear I'm trying. 

I told myself that this year, I'd be a better, more positive person. I wouldn't even expose my negative side. But I obviously failed miserably at that. Like I fail at everything else. You know, it's ten more weeks to promos, but that means it's just about less than fifteen weeks to happiness - when school closes. Unless I get news that I'm gonna be retained. That would suck. I just wanna be done with A Levels ASAP. 

I've been trying my best to be what everyone wants me to be, but it's so hard. I know it's hard for everyone too, but I'm... weak. I feel so alone in this. Nobody really knows how I feel and it's not like I want to talk to anyone about this because I don't want to burden anyone alright! It's like, I'd tell you all my problems but what can you do? You can't do anything. Nothing at all. And you'll feel bad because the best you can do is tell me "everything will be alright" "things will get better" and that shit doesn't work, trust me. I spent months telling myself that things will get better, and it didn't. It only got worse. 

I'm so so so stressed out and I just need a break! So I can't wait for the weekend or for Hari Raya/ National Day break. I need it so badly. It's half past midnight and my wifi is turned off and I exceeded my 3G so I'll just save this post and continue it after school which will be about 5pm so yeah have a good day xxx


Today wasn't so bad actually, except I had to attend the civil servant dialogue and Mr Bitchfit refused my study plan. I'm so so tired. It was close to impossible for me to stay awake. But now that I'm home, I'm just watching Falling Skies ugh what are my priorities? At least I'm happy now xo

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