Reasons Why I Hate Camps + Random Thoughts

Tuesday, July 07, 2015

Reasons why I'm dreading camp

My period still hasn't come. I don't want it to come during camp. That's a total mood spoiler. Not to mention I have to avoid water games like the plague. And camps = humidity and sweat and periods EW. It would also mess up the whole fasting thing.

I'm fat. Everyone else is skinny. I know. I know. It completely sucks to be the fat one at camps. It's like... first impressions matter, and their first impression would be: fat. And I don't like track pants or leggings so I have to stick with shorts. So my fat legs are on display to the world.

I have severe acne. So when I worked for three entire months from February to May, I had gotten used to the comfort of having makeup on, and everyone saw me only with makeup on. This was the total opposite of junior college, where everyone saw me only with no makeup on. 

I'm extremely shy. I've always hated the start of a school year with new classes/new people, because I'm incredibly shy. It's not just shy in the sense that I don't like or feel comfortable talking to new people or being myself with them, it's pure terror. Like I'm scared. I'm terrified to talk to people I don't know and it's for no reason at all. It's just that I don't know them and it takes a lot of effort for me to talk to them. 

Showering outside of home. It's gross. I don't like showering in any place that's not home. Not only are some shower cubicles small, there's no place to put my stuff too sometimes. It's annoying. And being someone who wears glasses, there's no place to put my glasses without them getting wet. 

Sweat. Singapore is so hot and it feels like 40 degrees Celsius now, I can't wait for the rainy season. Anyway, camps means activities. Activities means sweat. And it's not a camp without a trip to the beach! Meaning sand and sweat. Sweat. I even hate the word. Sweat.

Basically I hate camps but somehow I feel like I need to do this. I'm watching Falling Skies now. Mom said she's just making mee goreng later. I hope she cooks dendeng too. Friday is Day 0 of Camp. I have to be at school by 8am and it lasts till noon and then I can head back home. I hope I can wear jeans. I'm most likely wearing jeans anyway. I think like muslimahs would always wear long pants no matter what (if that's their choice) so I wouldn't feel out of place if I decided to wear jeans over shorts on day 0. It's supposed to be get-to-know your camp mates and everyone, and a briefing about the camp will also be conducted. I got another injection yesterday, for Hepatitis B. Now my arm all the way till my shoulder muscles hurt. I have to go back there again to get another blood test. Just started another episode of FS. I can't find the latest episode of The Fosters so I shall go on YouTube and catch up :) After Iftar, I'll probably have to clear the dishes and wash them all and then hang up the newly washed curtains and then I'm free. The clique is hanging out today and Thursday. I've been feeling extremely shit lately, I wish I didn't have to leave home at all. I kinda want to go out on Thursday but I hate making plans and then waking up and regretting that decision. The plan will go on with or without me so even if I decide to join last minute, it wouldn't really affect them, I think. I hope I feel better soon. After I do everything tonight, I guess I'll have to start editing the video for this Thursday! It's my June favourites. I filmed the into & outro recently with my new microphone so I hope that's good! Imagine the viewers though. They'd watch the video and be like "Okay, that's a decent intro." And then the actual June favourites start and my screechy voice is like a siren. Can't wait to make future videos with this good mic. 

I'm typing this post on my phone so I hope there aren't any major typos or autocorrect issues. Anyway, I'm dreading school. Farah literally has a two-day school week. Monday & Tuesday and then she has no school for the rest of the week. Me, however... I can't choose my modules or whatever because it's a fixed timetable for my course. I'm just hoping it's not like three hours of lectures/tutorials everyday for five days a week. Transport itself would be over two hours both ways total. So I hope it's a 3 day week at most #wishfulthinking

I wish I weren't so worried or scared about everything. It's terrible. To have this excessive worry. To have irrational fears. To not be able to do a lot of things. Or to do it reluctantly. 

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