I've been too troubled for too long, that's why I'm on the verge of giving up.

I've been too stupid for too long, that's why I find it so hard to keep up.

I've been too sad for too long, so people don't ask if I'm okay anymore.

I've been feeling too empty for too long, empty to the core.

I've been too suicidal for too long, so nobody takes me seriously.

As long as I'm awake, my head's screaming "Kill me, kill me"

I lost the will to live years ago, yet I'm still holding on.

If not for my religion, I'd be long gone.

Pathetic rhyme.

Pathetic me.

We have an education system/teachers who care more about finishing the syllabus, who care more about us completing homework than about us fully understanding what is being taught. That's the major flaw in the education system here in Singapore. Just recently, I heard the econs lecturer say, "If I can't finish this lecture today, then too bad. You just have to read yourselves." What's the point of lectures then? And the ever famous Mr Tong, who once said, "Who cares? I'm getting paid anyway." Let's just applaud these teachers who're supposed to help us, but instead, get angry at us for being late or for any other petty reasons. We're teenagers. We're supposed to be living the life, but we're already working so hard, putting in so much time to study and do our homework and assignments and yet, when we're just a little late, you decide to lecture us for fifteen minutes or so? UGH.

I recently started watching Community. I'm at Season 3 now. Each episode is only 20 minutes so it's wonderful for those of you muggers who like to watch tv during your mini breaks. I, on the other hand, watched 10 episodes at one go. Awesome. I'm so tired. Today has been a good day so far. It started out bad, though. I was sweating like a pig at 6.30 in the morning because my sister was doing her makeup and she needs the fan to be turned off. I, however, need the fan to be turned on while I sleep or I will die. The aircon sucks (We're getting it replaced next week) So I was pissed and sweaty and 15 minutes later I had to wake up for SRP. I reached school early and went for Chem SRP. I was happy because I finished the entire worksheet!! That has never happened, I'm so good at Organic Chem!! (Kidding) (I'm better at it than at inorganic chem though huhu) Then I went for math SRP like 15 minutes early, and a math teacher came with a tray of Subway cookies and asked if I wanted one!! Lucky me! I love Subway cookies. She even told Isabel to let me go home early once I've clarified my doubts hahah but I ended up staying to do this stupid question which was so difficult (I'm really shit at math) I got released a half hour early so I walked under the hot hot sun to the bus stop but 89 left me so I was heartbroken and decided I was just gonna get on 81. Something totally unexpected happened!!! But whatever okay I got a seat like one stop before I alighted... Actually, there were many empty seats but when I boarded the bus, I stupidly chose to stand and then other Meridians came and stood in front of me, so I couldn't change my decision and I couldn't go to sit :( Anyway, I got home and finished the rest of Salaam Namaste (Holy shit, Saif looks totally hot in it) then got ready to go for a relative's wedding. And now I'm back home!! Download more Community episodes hehe. I was planning on doing my homework. But I'm just too tired to think. 

Let's talk about friends. What are friends? I've googled and this is what people have to say: A true friend will always believe in you even though you no longer believe in yourself. He will always bring out the best in you. A true friend will not need any explanation as he will always understand. And most of all, a true friend is someone who is willing to share his time with you. True or best friends never ever willfully hurts the other, a friend would rather die than hurt or blindside their friend. This is an unforgivable act! A true friend is someone who is there for you no matter what happens to you in your life. wants to go out and do whatever whenever. enjoys your company and you enjoy theirs. A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out. Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say. So what are the kind of people you shouldn't have as friends? Those who point out your flaws as if you don't already see them, those who shame you for being who you are, belittle you for being as you are, anyone who doesn't truly accept you as you are, those who laugh at the things you do (and not in the kidding way) -- ditch them. They're not good for you, they're toxic -- avoid at all costs. It's just... what's the point of having "friends" who like you for who you are, "friends" who don't make you a better person? It's pointless.

Okay goodnight I want to die.

- F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

As always, I've been busy. But it's just a few minutes past midnight on Friday as I start this post and I'm incredibly happy that it's Good Friday and I won't have SRP either yay! Let's just rewind to a few days before - Peter Nice Arms Goh was lecturing and he was wearing a t-shirt aka his biceps were naked for us to see (yay) The rest of the day was pretty boring. I had Domino's for lunch though and that was amazing and I got my Tom Yam Crazy Chicken Crunchies - also from Domino's and they are so so so heavenly but so not worth the price. A picture of it will be uploaded below, if I remember. I had CCA afterwards and we were doing DIY Bokeh but I kinda failed at it. Reached home and watched a few episodes of Community and did some homework, just like a typical Wednesday night. 

Today: Ms Tan was out for a CCA competition thing so Mrs Ng took over and God, I hate her. I can't explain it. I just do. I really wished Ms Tan could've been there for our tutorial. GP was okay. I was tired and hungry and sad and Mr Max just kinda motivated me (to get through the hour) (yay). Mr Biceps was lecturing again and he was wearing a shirt this time but with its sleeves rolled up so tightly around his biceps. I wish he'd just shut up and take his shirt off. Or not. This is inappropriate. Change of subject.

I am addicted to Our Last Night. I've listened to them since August-ish last year but now I'm like obsessed. They're all I listen to. Before school, during breaks, on the way back home. I absolutely adore them. Maximum love.

I ordered lenses yay! 50mm f1.8 and 55-250mm with IS yay. It'll probably arrive in a month's time (I'm sad) but I hope it arrives safely and soon.

Time for pictures. 

Goodnight, adios everybody. 

So I think I mentioned in my previous post that I sprained my jaw while yelling at my sister, and my jaw actually hurts up till now. It gives me headaches to eat, to talk, to just open my mouth. The scariest thing happened to me on Thursday. After PE, I almost had a blackout. I stood up and walked from the canteen to the atrium and the whole way there I felt so dizzy and my vision was turning all white and I had to pay so much attention on my walking just to make sure I didn't trip. It was so so so scary. Saif had an incident after PE on Thursday as well. He was walking across the road and had a really bad leg cramp and he couldn't walk at all so he dragged himself across the road and then just leaned against the traffic light and called Pavi haha. Anyway, because of PE, my shoulders and the back are all aching, and my thighs hurt like hell. 

I'm tired. 

So tired.

I feel like breaking down. Multiple times. It takes too much energy to cry so I won't. Maybe I will. Later.