The Strength To Go On

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

It has been a really tiring week, and it's only half over. Tomorrow is a pretty crappy day, there's a double period bio and double period math lecture and double period GP and chemistry. I got my results for three of my subjects. My math grade was just as I expected, but Bio and Econs were surprisingly better. Anyway, I was beyond exhausted when I reached home today, a few minutes after 7pm. PW was crazier than usual. It's less than a week to the WR deadline and I'm dreading it. LKM commented that I should get more sleep, I agree, definitely. My priorities are all wrong, to be honest. I end school at 5.05 everyday this term, and I reach home at about half past 5 (waiting for the bus takes a lot of time). I have lunch/dinner and shower and it's already 7pm and then I read till god knows what time, and wake up again, like a zombie. I feel like giving up, but it's so close to the end. I know, it's nowhere near A Levels and this "end" is just the end of the J1 year but I'm so tired. I'm so incredibly tired. Even on Friday nights when I sleep for over 13 hours, the exhaustion doesn't go away. I'm hanging by a thread, I don't know how I find the strength to go on. I have to say "I'm fine" to LKM at least twice everyday - I guess he's still not used to my moodiness and hatred for school.

Oh look - TVD S05E02 finished downloading. I need to exercise, man. I need to be fit and I need to pass 2.4km hahah I've never passed that in my entire life. It sucks that I pass my 5 stations but I can never pass 2.4km so whatever. I finished reading the Delirium Trilogy by Lauren Oliver. I thought the second book, Pandemonium was the best and I was highly unsatisfied with the third book, Requiem. I wish I got more closure from the ending haha. Eli's still not done reading Matched, so I'll start on another book in the meantime. I can't wait for the weekend but it also means it's closer to WR submission ugh.

I have to work on my patience. My tolerance for bullshit has been drastically decreasing recently and... I think I might have a full outburst of rage, or a complete breakdown at any moment. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I could only apologize for the lack of control I have over my feelings. I was never good at hiding how I feel, I always felt the need to put my feelings as my exterior. But there's more to it than that, I think. People treat me like I'm just screaming for attention, but ignore me for all I care. I don't need or want attention. I'm fine living the way I've always lived. I'm fine with my family, and my little bunch of wonderful friends. I'm fine... I'm fine.

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