1,025,109 Words

Sunday, July 13, 2014

I've been feeling crap again, as usual. I really should be doing my Normal Distribution Tutorial or Chemistry TYS Homework or Biology Revision Worksheet thing, but everyone knows I'd rather do anything else than do anything related to school. I've just came home from Math tuition about an hour ago, and hypothesis testing still kills me, but I managed to do a question today. 

Anyway, the point of this post... You should all realise by now that most of my posts are completely random and when I have a point to make, I'll probably screw that post up, so I should really just shut up. But, I just wanted to say that my friends and my family would know that I'm a very negative person and I just find it difficult to have a positive outlook on things. I say I'm a realist. We just have to accept life like it is. Life is shit, life is unfair, life is life.

I hate how it's so hard for me to explain how I feel, like there are over 1,025,109 words in the English Language, yet I can't form a proper sentence to describe how I'm feeling or why I'm feeling this way. It's just not enough. I could only wish that one day I'd be happy, and not just for a second, a minute, a day, or a week. I want to be, by default, happy. It's sickening to spend every moment sad and empty, having only glimpses of happiness every once in a while. And I'm so angry at my family, mainly my parents, for making me feel like shit all the time.  You guys are supposed to be my family, but you jump at every opportunity to put me down. And I hate it even more that you compare me to other kids, like why won't you understand that I'm my own person? I'm me, I'm not someone else, so stop comparing us. Just because there are other people going through A Levels and they're fine, it doesn't mean I have to be fine too. Because I'm not. A Levels is the worst thing to happen to me. Life right now, is just so hard for me and I don't get why you think I'm fine. I tell you clearly that I'm not okay, but you don't listen, you don't care. I hate myself more than enough, I don't need you to point out more reasons why I should hate myself even more.

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